What a Feeling!

I am certain that you have sat at your window someday with the rain pouring steadily outside with a hot cuppa tea in your hand and the billowing drapes swishing in the background, just hoping to know exactly how to put that feeling into words. I have felt such incompetence at being unable to truly express emotion in a written form on so many occasions in my life that I wonder if ever there will be a language
that can equal human thought. Not equal maybe, complement human feeling... See what I mean!!

My most happy moments, the ones where my loved ones rejoice. An unexpected holiday with cousins, running into an old friend you have not been in touch with. Seeing the pride on your parents' face when you have done something to deserve it. A cool breeze, Mum cooking something specially for you, Challenging work at the office, Colleagues who make u feel precious....The realization of your true purpose in life (I do not claim to have experienced this yet but I can only imagine what an extraordinary feeling that would be...Aaah!)

Or the deep nerve wracking guilty feelings that you just don't know how to string into a sentence. The sadness at losing a good friend and knowing just how easy it is to convince her to come back in your life but also knowing that you will never ever take that step forward. The resentment when you see someone smoking around little babies or in the sanctity of religious surroundings, The anguish when you see a friend hurt because of a callous remark that you stupidly made or the gut wrenching pain when the forgive you for it.

There are moments in life when I have wished there was something like a thought camera.. Something that can look inside my soul and translate what I am thinking, feeling so that those moments become tangibly etched. Memory is not all encompassing. It recollects the latest goods and bads and leaves out the older details. But every single incident has made me who I am.

Still incapable of putting thoughts on paper.. But feeling a lot more clearly than ever...